SPN

First of all, I NEED the version of Carry On they use on every season finale - I think it's the Kansas version - someone has to have it, right??

~ I was not surprised by the ending of this finale. In fact, other than having to wait until Fall, I'm feeling pretty satisfied, because really ( cut for spoilers )

Um. And that's all I have, really. Except I MUST HAVE THAT SONG. This show kills me, and I cannot wait for the S3 DVDs to be released now.

The other side of the coin

I talk fairly frequently here about writing, and querying, and basically the ongoing search of landing an agent and eventually getting published. I talk about it, obviously, from the writer's perspective, being a writer. And we do face a frustrating gauntlet of rejection, it is true.

But I also read a LOT of agent blogs, and let me tell you, I don't think I'd want to be on the other side of the desk. It's embarrassing, sometimes, the stuff that people will send in as a query. You know, I love writing. I love it like a lot of people aren't lucky enough to love their jobs - Lord knows, I don't love my day job. But I also try to treat it like a job. I'm not published**, but I try to write as if I have deadlines I have to meet - meaning I self impose deadlines, like the current one to finish this WIP by the end of May. I try to have the discipline to write via a schedule, because that's the only way to meet deadlines. And lo, doing this actually gets books finished! (But wait, that's a whole different discussion.)

Beyond the actual writing of things, before I ever sent a query letter, I researched how to do it right. Sure, my first ever submission to a publisher was years ago, when what I was writing really wasn't ready, but hey, I was young, I was excited, I wanted very badly to be published, and even with all of that, I researched exactly how to submit before I sent anything off. I followed submission guidelines, I agonized over where to position the page number on the page, how to mail the manuscript, etc, etc. Since then, I've attended many a conference panel on querying and writing effective queries, et al, and like I said, I read a LOT of agent blogs. And those agents inevitably talk about queries, and what's right to do, and what irks them that people do.

Which leads me to the whole point of this post - I know that a lot of you following my journey here may not read industry blogs with the same devotion that I do. You may not have ever heard stories from the other side of the desk. So here is a little perspective on that, from the point of view of a baffled writer who can't believe what some people will do, via various True Stories that cross an agent's desk.

Seriously, if you're going to write with the goal of professional publication, why in the heck would you not research how to properly write and submit a query? Why would you not, at the very least, read an agent's submission guidelines before sending it off? Because if you did, you would know that:

ETA: Caveat: these apply specifically to previously unpublished, unrepresented writers. The rules for published/already represented authors are somewhat different.

~ a 200,000 to 400,000 word first novel is NOT going to impress - 100K is the going size of a mass market paperback these days, with wiggle room either way by only about 30,000 words at the most. For adult, mass market paperbacks, that is.

~ Addressing an agent as "Dear Sir or Madam" does not impress them with the professionalism of your query. Instead, it tells them you didn't bother to even learn their name, much less what they represent, or enjoy reading. Misspelling their name, or addressing them by the wrong gender falls into this category as well.

~ Sending in your entire manuscript with your query, either via snail mail or as an attachment to your e-mail query, will NOT get the agent to read your novel, even if it is the next Harry Potter - I don't even have to read their guidelines to know this breaks them all to heck. No agent wants to see the entire manuscript without asking for it, and none of them like attachments without asking - seriously, we live in the computer age. Unknown attachment = virus, people.

~ DO NOT under any circumstances, query an unfinished novel, especially if you're going to lie and say it's finished. Why? Because if they DO ask to see it, this could be a turnaround time of days, maybe less, and you aren't going to have anything to send them for, what? Weeks, months, possibly years. By then, the agent has forgotten all about your manuscript, and even if they haven't, the publishing world is an ever-changing beast. What an agent is looking for this week is not what they're looking for next month, or next year. And none of that even addresses the complete lack of professionalism in querying something before you have it finished. To be perfectly, brutally honest, a huge percentage of writers never even finish the WIP they've started. Querying something you never finish isn't a good career move.

~ So, once you've sent your query and received the politely worded rejection, even if it seems unnecessarily harsh or totally impolite, do not, ever, ever, EVER write back and tell the agent what a huge mistake they've made passing on your special and unique snowflake of a manuscript, that is destined to be a million dollar bestseller. Especially do not do this, and include an angry rant about how they clearly do not understand your genius, and you find them rude and a whole bunch of other uncomplimentary things. First, this is so unprofessional, you might as well be back in grade school, throwing a temper tantrum on the playground. Second, they will definitely remember you, and not in a good way. And they will tell ALL of their agent friends about you. You do not want this. Publishing is a much smaller world than you think. And third, wow, this is the sort of thing that makes agents want to stop taking unsolicited queries. This is the sort of thing that shuts doors for the rest of us, who do try to conduct ourselves in a polite, professional manner. Thanks a lot!

~ However strong the urge to do so is, do not include 'presents' in your query. This says "psycho stalker" much more than it does "professional writer". Someday, when you have an agent, you may bake her cookies or send her chocolates. Or him. Whatever. You get the idea - when you are no longer a stranger, this sort of thing becomes acceptable. Common sense, people, common sense.

There are, you know, lots more. But these are some of the main ones I've seen listed time and time again on multiple agent blogs. And it always baffles me that people out there actually do these things. Repeatedly. Kind of like listening to my husband talk about teaching high school, and thinking "Wow, okay. So that's a job I could never do." Agenting is becoming another one of those. Because really? There's a reason I don't work customer service anymore. I have no patience at all for stupid/rude/entitled people.




** As kistha pointed out to me just days ago, this is actually not true. I am published, just not in novel length. I have a short story that was published a few years back. But mentally, I'm so in this realm of novels and novel publication now, honestly, half the time I forget about that. Which is strange, because at the time that short story publication was the bestest thing to ever happen. Ever. Seriously.