Duchess of Evil

Hi LJ! Long time no talk. :) I've missed you.

Lately, I've really been missing livejournal, and posting here, and the feeling of writing down things that are somehow important to me in the moment and sending them our into the ether, and reading my f-list and...well, you get the idea.

So, lately some things have been happening that I'm pretty excited about. Bullet list update, I think.

~ I am about halfway through my Masters program. God, I am so tired of school. But at the same time, uber excited about applying to a second Masters in Popular Fiction, so I can get back to my one true love: writing popular fiction.

~ Our pellet grill of awesome continues to be awesome. We are going to build a permanent shelter onto our deck for it for next year, that's how much we love it. Because it rains a LOT here, and we do not want to give up year round grilling. I am cooking filet mignon and lobster tails on it tonight, because the grocery store had a post-Valentine's Day sale. It just doesn't get any better than that.

~ In approximately three weeks I'm going to be in Disneyland!!! I am so excited, I am obsessing about it. I dreamt about it last night. I cannot WAIT to be there. We are buying annual passes, because this Christmas, we are going back with family. Yes, Rhien will be spending Christmas in Disneyland. :D

~ I may have a job soon. TA-ing online. My first job requiring the BA. The pay is not great, but that does not seem to diminish my excitement. Maybe it's just the idea of actually earning money again? I should find out in the next few weeks, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

~ I am possibly having too much prosecco tonight. Is an entire bottle too much? I suppose I will find out in the morning.

 Still sick.  This is NOT a fun bug.  (Not that any of them are.)  I'm on day five, and yet fever still comes and goes, although less often than it used to, and mostly only in the evening as I get more and more tired.  My sore throat has become this almost-laryngitis thing that I can feel on my vocal cords...just in time for a weekend filled with Christmas festivities with friends!  No, no laryngitis!  Ugh.  

My paper on Beowulf...who knows how it turned out?  I was half delirious with fever at the time.  I can tell you that for the first time in this class, I did not get full points on my other assignments for that week, which does not build my confidence overmuch.  This particular professor is hard, and a real stickler for late work.  He let everyone know he did not consider wintertime illness an excuse for it, which is why I did the thing instead of e-mailing him and asking for an extra day.  Which wouldn't have mattered much anyway, since I was just as sick the next day.  

As several people have asked me about my comparisons of Luke Skywalker and Beowulf, I may post it here under a locked entry after grading.  You know, if it's fit for reading.  We'll see.  I can tell you my comparisons had to do with good vs. evil, heroic sacrifice, and the hero's journey.  (My essay focused on Beowulf as a heroic figure.)  What I can't tell to you, is if it turned out mostly coherent or not.  I really hope so, since it would suck to go from a 100% in the class, to dropping a whole letter grade because I caught the stupid flu during the final week.

In other news, I managed to break my little toe a couple of days ago.  I stubbed it on the coffee table.  It hurt just as bad as those things usually do, but the thing is, it continued to hurt whenever I put pressure on it, and now it's blooming these lovely deep purple colors from my toe, all down the top portion of my foot.  Nice!  First broken bone in my life.  I wonder if this is a sign my bones are starting to get more brittle?  I am *cough* in the upper half of my thirties now.  

In other, BETTER news: OMG, MASS EFFECT 3 has been announced for Christmas of next year!  *clasps hands together*  I know what I'll be asking Santa for!!  The teaser trailer already looks awesome!  Shepard!  Garrus!  Kaiden!  (Oh, Kaiden; there better be some kind of payoff for the ME2, Bioware!)  Watching the trailer made me want to replay ME2.  That was such an awesome game.  (Other than my Kaiden quibbles.  And really, Bioware even got me to care despite those, those manipulative [bleeped].)   A WHOLE YEAR AWAY!  Well, I'll have Dragon Age 2 come March.  That'll occupy me for a few months, anyway.  And then I'll replay ME2 right before ME3, I'm sure.  Maybe I'll even start with ME1, although the mechanics of that game piss me off, so maybe not.

 My husband is 36 years old.  The man still wears some clothing he had in high school.  When he leaves for Japan every year, I used to clandestinely go through his socks and throw out all of the unacceptable ones - because he would just keep wearing them until he literally couldn't because of the holes.  He buys a vehicle, and then drives it until it's old enough and broken down enough that the upkeep is more hassle and expense than the car payment on something new.  In recent years, this pathological need to keep and/or use things until they are completely used up has eased up slightly - for instance, now I can go through his sock drawer when he is home!  

Until yesterday, he'd been using the half sized kid's chest of drawers he's had since he was five.  Four drawers about three quarters the size of a regular dresser drawer, maybe, and one of the drawers completely broke apart a few months ago, making it impossible to use.  He needed a new chest.  He's needed one for years, but this was really, really bad.  Last week, he kept complaining about how cluttery our bedroom is.  But when I looked around the room, the majority of the clutter involved piles of his folded clothes all over the floor.  Unfortunately, we can't really afford to buy anything right now.  On the other hand, if unemployment extensions remain in limbo, we really won't be able to buy anything anytime soon.  So, yesterday I stopped by a local furniture store that is family run and buys directly from the distributor, offering lower prices than most of the big chains.  I looked at all their chests of drawers and tried to figure one into our budget.  I found one marked down to clearance out for $180.  Ouch, even at a really good price.  But we cannot continue stacking his clothes on the floor.  So, I came home, and strategized how to convince my husband of this.

I started off by measuring the space his old dresser occupied.  Then I told him "I have a proposal for you."  

Immediately wary, he waited.  I went on, explaining very logically about the clutter and his clothing, and his broken childhood drawers.  He looked at me, then stared at his chest of drawers.  

"But, I drew a picture of the Millennium Falcon on the back of that when I was seven," he said.  

I put my hand on his shoulder and answered, "Yes, precisely."

He went on, not wanting to spend the money, etc, but I did, too, explaining how he cannot continue using the floor as his dresser drawers, and that chest is a broken down piece of old furniture that no longer functions, yet takes up space.  He didn't want to spend the money right now.  I countered with "Yes, but if not now, when will be able to?"  He had no good answer, and in the end, we went and picked up his new chest of drawers.  He took some of his Japan money for it, even though he is nervous about having enough this year, with the exchange rate.

Now, of course, he is very pleased with just how much he is able to fit in it, and how un-cluttery our bedroom suddenly is.  Amazing, when you have six full sized drawers to put things into, more than doubling his previous space.

My husband is 36 years old, and this is the first time in his life that he has ever used a full sized, adult chest of drawers.  Sometimes his need to hang on to the past is annoying, and other times it is endearingly amusing.

 I am so excited!  Through the convoluted twists of fate, a good friend of mine who is a semi-professional photographer, and a connection made through him, I am getting a new/used camera, as in new to me, but gently used by the previous owner.

I've been complaining to my friend for probably two years that my pictures for my jewelry just are not all they could be, and he's told me time and again that a point-and-shoot like my little Canon Sd700 isn't going to give me the sort of shots I want - sharp, macro, colorful images.  They're okay for what they are, but I see other jewelry artists' photos and know they could be better.  Anyway, I've had many a long conversation with my friend about what I'd need, but the short answer is, a digital SLR camera and some different lenses, which no way can I afford right now.  While most photo hobbiests and pros go for Canon or Nikon, my friend swears by Pentax.  He's played with them all, and he says his Pentax gives him just as good a photo as the other two brands, but for whatever reason, the company does not choose to spend $$ on advertising the way Canon and Nikon do.  The plus being, you are not paying for that advertising when you buy the camera, meaning the camera's are slightly more affordable.

But let's face it, still outside my price range.  Which, being currently unemployed, is zilch.  However, I've still talked with my friend when we've seen each other, and he's taken the time to let me play with one of his 35mm cameras taking some simple macro shots by turning the lens around backwards.  (I know, it didn't make sense to me, either.)  Yesterday he was over here again, and we talked some more.  He let me know Pentax had come out with an entry level DSLR he thought might be good for me (the K-x), as I could find a body for about $500 if I hunted around.  This is still too rich for me right now, sadly.  He said my other option is to find a good older model, used, which could be had for anywhere from $300 on up depending on how old I wanted to go.  Me being me, I did a bunch of research and found some forums and talked to some people about what I would need, and I ended up making a deal on a couple years old model, in trade for some jewelry!  It is in fact the very same model my friend uses, so he should be able to help me if I get totally lost or stuck!  Very soon, a Pentax k20d will be mine!  14.6 megapixels to replace the 7 I've been using for the past several years.  My friend is setting me up with extension tubes, and the camera is coming with a vertical grip (extra battery) and a fixed 50mm lens that my friend says will work great for what I want to do.

In a few short days, this will be my new toy:



I wasn't even really looking for a camera right now.  I just knew eventually, I would need to upgrade, and I was researching with that eventuality in mind.  My little Canon's been great for like five years, but it has its limits, and it's getting kind of old.  I used my sister's new Powershot this past weekend for Rosalia's birthday, and I was totally impressed and jealous at the photos it took, and that was just a newer point-and-shoot.  This whole DLSR thing has just kind of fallen into my lap, and while I'm ridiculously excited, I'm also pretty intimidated.

Honestly, I am a little worried this is too much camera for me.  My picture taking skills are pretty terrible.  I don't even mess much with my Canon settings, and the whole point of a camera like this is the customization it allows the user.  But playing around with my friend's 35mm and lens has been pretty neat.  I don't know.  It has a completely different feel than my pocket camera that is just....fun.  It's hard to explain.  For someone who takes crap pictures, I'm pretty excited to get it and play, and I'm already planning how to pack it to Disney in March.  I'm playing with the idea of adding foam inserts to my purse.  I did that to a gym bag for Mark's big video camera, as any of the pro bags for it were stupidly expensive, and it worked out really, really well.  It also doesn't (and wouldn't) look like a camera bag, which makes me feel better as far as potential thievery goes.  

 I went to bed last night thinking about all of this, and woke up wanting to add to my post yesterday.  

I am a very aware and proactive person when it comes to my personal safety.  I've studied a martial art for going on 16 years.  I have a CWP, and I almost always have a weapon on my person, though it is more often my Benchmade than a gun.  I am careful.  I try not to put myself in potentially dangerous or risky situations.

And yet, even with all of that, sometimes I still do.  Saying someone should remove themselves from a situation, or not get in one in the first place is all well and good, but 1) It's not always as easy as you think, and 2) Everyone makes mistakes, and they're always easier to see in hindsight.  

 As you may know, my husband and I manage rentals for my f-in-law.  Now, both Jim and Mark have said they're not really comfortable with me showing units to prospective tenants alone.  Sometimes, I do it anyway.  Why?  Because it's sometimes just easier for me to get to it now, than to try and schedule something when my f-in-law, my husband, or our on site manager can be there.  Especially if I've talked to a woman on the phone, I feel safe.  Plus, I'm trained, right?  And there are other tenants around, usually, in the units next door.

But they might not hear anything.  Tenants in rentals tend to tune out noise unless it gets really obnoxious.  That woman on the phone?  She could be setting me up.  She might not come alone, or someone else could come in her place.  In the ten years we've been doing this, not once has it been a problem.  But it could be, and I know it.  

Worse than that, last year when I was visiting our on site manager, who happens to be one of my best friends, at about midnight, we had a noise problem.  One of our tenants, a Mexican man who DJs and looooooooooooooves to share his music with the whole neighborhood during the summer, had begun blaring said music.  It's pretty distinctive, so I knew who it was, and I knew right where to go to ask him to turn it down.

We'll call him B.  B also really likes his drink, and in the summer he likes to party, drinking and sharing his music.  I've dealt with him on more than one occasion, and I already know going in that he's a very friendly, happy drunk, who always tries to press a drink into your hands when you tell him to please turn down his music.  Other tenants often party with him, so there are usually people going in and out of his garage, where his DJ equipment is set up.  Now, I personally don't care much for B.  Whenever there is a real issue, like he's late paying his rent, or he's parking in the wrong spot, he has this attitude about him that says "You're a woman, and therefore I don't have to listen to you."  No, really.  I've made my husband go and deal with him before, because he won't really listen to me.  But he's always turned his music down when asked, so walking down there on that particular night didn't seem like it would be a problem. 

But, when I asked him to turn it down, he couldn't hear me.  He was in the back of his garage.  Some guy I'd never seen before was sitting in a chair back there with him, and there were a couple of other tenants outside their own unit smoking, and drinking from cups that looked like they'd already visited B and gotten a little something.  The garage door was halfway down, no doubt in a vain attempt to control the volume coming from inside.  I walked into the garage so he could hear me.  Mistake #1.  Of course, Mr. Happy Drunk tried to give me a drink, which I refused, and wanted me to listen to this one song before he turned it down.  Because it's a good song, you know.  And then he has to introduce me to his cousin, and when I shook that man's hand, he said something in spanish I couldn't understand, but B was happy to translate once he found out I didn't speak Spanish (which he already knew, but had to ask again due to the copious amounts of alcohol keeping him from walking straight.)  

His cousin thought I was very, very pretty.  Now, about this time was when I realized just how dangerous a situation I had walked into.  I knew, some part of me recognized it all before then, but that cousin was nowhere near as drunk as B, and he kept trying to touch me.  A hand on the arm, on the shoulder, but still, it made me very uncomfortable.  He was also huge, much bigger than me.  B kept laughing and telling him to leave me alone, but really, it was obvious he'd be no help if something happened.  That damn door was half down, the music was really loud, and something awful could happen before anyone else got to me.  

It was about then that my friend decided I'd been gone for too long and came looking.  I still remember the sense of relief when she walked into the garage, we reiterated the need to turn down the music before the cops were called, and left.  Stupid, I thought.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  To walk into that garage in the first place.  To stay there to be polite and listen to some song I didn't care about.  To not get the fuck out the instant I felt something off.  Stupid, and it could have ended very differently.

If something had happened, I admit, I probably would have partially blamed myself.  Because I should have known better.  It is a common victim response to blame yourself.  But the fact is, whoever decides to bully, attack, or rape you is the one to blame.  Should I have not walked into that garage?  Absolutely.  But I did.  That doesn't mean I gave any kind of consent for anything that might have happened. I am a smart, savvy woman who takes a very proactive approach to personal defense, and yet...it still happened to me.  

The victim is never to blame.  

The exciting portion of our evening:

Zoey, our beautiful husky/lab mix, likes to chew things when we leave her alone.  This has largely disappeared, thanks to use of the Kong and liberal application of things like peanut butter, giving her something to work for when we leave her.

However, some things are just too temping to resist.  Like two mostly full bags of Easter candy, specifically, miniature Snickers, and Butterfinger eggs wrapped in foil.  My husband left them on the coffee table after playing a couple maps of Battlefield: Bad Company 2 earlier tonight.

I came into the house a little bit ago to find both bags empty, and the contents eaten, foil wrappers and all.  

That's like 50-60 individual wrapped chocolates.

A quick call to kistha, who was kind enough to call the veterinarian she used to work for, yielded these possible plans of action:

1. Watch her, and as she looks like she's doing fine, let the mess pass through her system, resulting in a probable few days of diarrhea tinged with blood.  Feed her boiled chicken and rice during this time, to help calm her aggravated intestines.  Which, really, how can they NOT be aggravated?  I'm pretty sure consuming two entire bags of Easter candy in one sitting would make me sick, and that's without the foil wrappers.

2. Administer some hydrogen peroxide, which will apparently induce explosive vomiting.  

Um.  None of these options sound good, you know?  But better than the dog dying because foil and chocolate get stuck halfway through her system, or the chocolate gives her a heart attack.

I have rice cooked in chicken broth on the stove now.  *sigh*  This would be so much easier if she would just throw up on her own.  Mark is all for feeding her the peroxide and letting that happen.  I'm a little afraid that would result in her throwing up all night, so I'm voting for option #1.  



 

 A man in China went into an elementary school class full of kindergarteners, and stabbed 28 of them.  This is just the latest in a series of school attacks that have China hurting, angry, and confused.  

Let me just say, I am horrified this happened to a class of kindergarteners.  It's tragic whenever a school is targeted, but God.  What kind of person does that?  Mentally ill, sure, but...children, and so very young.  Why??

This all sounds pretty familiar, except for the choice of weapon.  I have long held that a knife can do just as much - if not more damage - as a gun.  Knives are quieter weapons, and statistically, I'd rather get shot.  You're actually more likely to survive a gun shot wound than you are a knife wound.  I know, it doesn't seem possible, but it's true.  60% of gunshot victims survive due to the nature of the wounds, while knife victims don't have nearly the same chance.   Knife wounds bleed out, and if the knife wielder knows at all what he's doing, they do it fast.  Gunshot wounds bleed, but have a tendency to self seal, which means less bleeding and more time for help to get there.

There are several videos floating around that show knives vs. guns.  I attended a knife and gun seminar once taught by a guy from the British SAS, and let me tell you, not once did the "attacker" with the gun (or attackers in some cases) beat him when he had a knife in his hand.  

In any case, it is sad that even without access to guns, school attacks are still going on with other weapons.  I am not shocked (at least by that aspect), but I wish I could say I was.

 After eight and a half straight hours of sewing today, I am now sitting down to some fantastic sushi and a vodka tonic.  The sushi place just down the hill from us finally opened, and since the grocery store is in the same little shopping complex, I was able to get some tonic water and limes.  And I picked the husband up a small pepperoni from the "gourmet" pizza place we've never tried right next to the new sushi place.  Turns out, they also have regular pizza the husband will eat, and damn if that pepperoni doesn't look amazing.  

Of course, I'm sticking to my fantastic sushi.  The lady behind the counter talked me into trying their blackened tuna roll - eight pieces for $5, and wow, it is yummy.  I also got my "usual" tempura shrimp roll and unagi nigiri (fresh water eel - mmmmmm.)  

I am in a nice place of bliss, at the moment.

Oh, before I sign off, we saw How to Train Your Dragon yesterday evening.  What a fantastically adorable movie.  I actually want to see it in the theater again, I liked it so much.  Usually I only say that about Pixar CGI animated movies.  

 ...on my vow to routinely read/post to LJ, post my layoff.

*clears throat*

Hi LJ!  I've missed you.  I've had several things I've thought about posting, from sprouted flour/bread, to the fantabulous birthday a friend had recently, wherein I got the treat of being spoiled right along with her (at a really real spa.  A women's only spa.  With scrubs, and massage, and moisturizing wraps, and these rooms that are heated and lined with things like charcoal, or salt, or jade.  It was pretty much the most awesome thing ever.)  I've thought about it, I've even opened a post window a few times, and something always pulls me away before I write it.

So, on the sprouted flour front - it's interesting stuff!  I do think it has a slightly different flavor, all by itself, and it's expensive, so my recent breadmaking has been using 1 cup of sprouted flour to 3 cups of regular.  This produces a loaf that looks, tastes, and feels like regular white bread, but 1/4th of it is this sprouted flour that has the chemical make up of a vegetable, not a starch.  I think this is a compromise I can live with, health and expense-wise.

I have been working on the last of the edits for Nemesis lately.  I'm so close to being done...and yet magically, it seems there is always another few chapters til the end.  

I'm almost done w/S2 of Babylon 5. ( Does this really require a spoiler tag? )
Also, the husband and I have been working our way through S2 of Damages.  We've decided it's like The Shield, except with lawyers, a little less sex, and a little less horror, but just as many twists, turns, excellent characters, gripping drama, and train wreckage, in its own way.

Don't get me wrong; The Shield is one of the best written, best acted, best done shows from pilot to series finale ever done.  This is not a bad comparison.  But I would never, ever, be tempted to re-watch it.  Once was quite enough.  It still has the most traumatizing finale to a season of television I have ever seen.  I am watching Damages, and thinking "So, will S3 or 4 of this show be like that?"  Because it feels like it totally could be.

It's an awesome show.  If you like shows like...like Dexter, or Deadwood, you should pick up Damages.

I'll try to check in here more regularly.  I miss all of you guys.  I think about you, even when I'm not logging on, and I'm reading more often than I'm posting (which isn't hard, truthfully.)

 Thank you so much to everyone who responded to my last post.  Really, truly, thank you.  I appreciate it so much.  Yesterday was this strange mix of people at work being sympathetic and angry on my behalf (I can't tell you how many Feds came through to tell me how they think this is all so much BS) and other people pretending nothing was wrong and not looking directly at me (mostly the contractors I work with), as though not making the transfer and being consequently laid off were catching.  

My boss was super nice and obviously feeling terrible about it all.  At about 3:00pm, which is 6:00pm back East where all the Big Bosses are, he received a personal phone call the Mr. Boss who is in charge of this entire transfer.  Mr. Boss has NEVER spoken to my boss before, and he called him up personally and mentioned me by name, telling him which sub-contractor they think I should send my resume to (part of the problem in all of this is that no one seems to know which sub the admin positions are going to fall on).  While not a guarantee, this is encouraging news.  (Although I haven't heard great things about this particular sub contractor, but hey, who knows?)

Someone is obviously rattling some cages over this, which makes me feel a little better.  I'm not forgotten the moment I'm out the door.

Then my boss let me leave an hour and a half early, and helped me carry out my stuff out, and hugged me and said how it was a good six years, which it was.  I got a little teary (actually, I cried several times over the course of the day).  

So, today is the first day of waking up and having no where to go.  I woke with a migraine this morning.  Not exactly surprising.  It's mostly gone now, and I'm about to go and fill out my unemployment paperwork.  In the meantime, I'll catch up on Wednesday night's tv, and then make some jewelry today.  I want to write, too, but I'm not sure I'm in the right frame of mind.  Apparently, my current mood is making itself known in my face, my body language, my voice, and my writing (so says one of my best friends.)  I don't want to hurt Nemesis with it.  

I promise, my pity party won't go on forever.  I will post about something else soon - maybe even today.  I know there are so many worse off right now.  I am grateful for what I have.  And hey, I should be able to finish those revisions to Nemesis right up now!  :D