Here we go again, around the merry-go-round

[rhienelleth]

 It seems this topic comes up about once very two years on this journal.  Maybe that's not enough, maybe for some it's too much.  But it's important, and so I'm going to post about it.  

jimhines wrote a post this morning entitled 'Rape in Fandom', in which he linked to a post by logansrogue from earlier this week, in which she addressed her rapist in a letter.  She asked him not to attend her favorite SF/F Con, so she could at least look forward to attending it herself every year, as she'd been avoiding sf/f cons and gatherings since the rape, seeing as how he attends those events, too.  That is, in fact, where he laid the groundwork for raping her.  Because he is a predator, and yes, he thought that far ahead.

Rape can happen anytime, anywhere.  Even, sadly, in fandom.  A lot of people have shown logansrogue their support.  As things stand now, her rapist has agreed not to attend Swancon ever again, so she at least gets that piece of her life back.  If you go over there and read her post, PLEASE do not make any "helpful" suggestions of what she could/should do, such as pressing charges against him.  She is doing what she can, what is right for her, and that's her right and choice.  

Both post's linked above are well worth the read.  Jim's has some gems I really like, that particularly pertain to SF/F Cons.  For instance, a woman wearing a costume that shows off her body is not an invitation to sexually harass her.  Nor is a woman drinking an indication of consent.

The first in particular resonated with me, because as a society, we often seem to place a certain blame on what a woman wears.  If she shows too much skin, she was "asking for it".  No, actually, she wasn't.  I don't care if she paraded down the street nude.  Provocative dressing up can be fun.  There is something to be said for wearing a costume that you look great in, and turns heads.  It shouldn't be dangerous, and it shouldn't be seen by society, by anyone, as risky behavior.  

Comments

[tinylegacies.livejournal.com]

I have so much love for Jim Hines. He is seriously amazing.

[celli]

Wow, she's amazing. I wish I had her nerve. After I ran into my assaulter at a con last year, I just decided I was never going to an actor con again on the off chance I might see him. In 10+ years, I never called him out in public, I never warned the rest of fandom about him, even though he was friends with some of my friends.

I kind of suck.

[rhienelleth.livejournal.com]

celli, I admire you every day, I really do. Every victim, and every assault, are unique, and so are the steps you take to survive and keep going.

Facing an attacker is fucking terrifying, whether it's looking him in the eye, or calling him out in public, and it's not something anyone should have to do, ever. You shouldn't have to see him ever again. I remember when that happened to you last year. I felt just sick and awful for you.

You so don't suck. You live every day of your life dealing with this thing that was done to you by a sick, sociopathic predator. You fight for yourself every day. I know people who cannot work a job, who have moved back home with their parents because it's just too hard. It makes so angry at every f-ing rapist or sick, twisted predator out there, I shake with it.

{{HUGS}}

[kistha.livejournal.com]

I don't know you, but I know you don't suck. Until it happens, you have no idea how you will handle it. And, you'll never be the same again. Some speak out, some don't. Some press charges, some don't. Some become fearful, others become uncontrollably angry. And some of us bury it so far down, we don't remember...Everyone is different, and everyone deserves respect for those choices. And all the help and comfort their community, friends and family can give them that they can take.

I am so sad that this happened to you, and though you don't know me, you have all my good thoughts and support.