The other side of the coin
May. 16th, 2008 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rhienellethI talk fairly frequently here about writing, and querying, and basically the ongoing search of landing an agent and eventually getting published. I talk about it, obviously, from the writer's perspective, being a writer. And we do face a frustrating gauntlet of rejection, it is true.
But I also read a LOT of agent blogs, and let me tell you, I don't think I'd want to be on the other side of the desk. It's embarrassing, sometimes, the stuff that people will send in as a query. You know, I love writing. I love it like a lot of people aren't lucky enough to love their jobs - Lord knows, I don't love my day job. But I also try to treat it like a job. I'm not published**, but I try to write as if I have deadlines I have to meet - meaning I self impose deadlines, like the current one to finish this WIP by the end of May. I try to have the discipline to write via a schedule, because that's the only way to meet deadlines. And lo, doing this actually gets books finished! (But wait, that's a whole different discussion.)
Beyond the actual writing of things, before I ever sent a query letter, I researched how to do it right. Sure, my first ever submission to a publisher was years ago, when what I was writing really wasn't ready, but hey, I was young, I was excited, I wanted very badly to be published, and even with all of that, I researched exactly how to submit before I sent anything off. I followed submission guidelines, I agonized over where to position the page number on the page, how to mail the manuscript, etc, etc. Since then, I've attended many a conference panel on querying and writing effective queries, et al, and like I said, I read a LOT of agent blogs. And those agents inevitably talk about queries, and what's right to do, and what irks them that people do.
Which leads me to the whole point of this post - I know that a lot of you following my journey here may not read industry blogs with the same devotion that I do. You may not have ever heard stories from the other side of the desk. So here is a little perspective on that, from the point of view of a baffled writer who can't believe what some people will do, via various True Stories that cross an agent's desk.
Seriously, if you're going to write with the goal of professional publication, why in the heck would you not research how to properly write and submit a query? Why would you not, at the very least, read an agent's submission guidelines before sending it off? Because if you did, you would know that:
ETA: Caveat: these apply specifically to previously unpublished, unrepresented writers. The rules for published/already represented authors are somewhat different.
~ a 200,000 to 400,000 word first novel is NOT going to impress - 100K is the going size of a mass market paperback these days, with wiggle room either way by only about 30,000 words at the most. For adult, mass market paperbacks, that is.
~ Addressing an agent as "Dear Sir or Madam" does not impress them with the professionalism of your query. Instead, it tells them you didn't bother to even learn their name, much less what they represent, or enjoy reading. Misspelling their name, or addressing them by the wrong gender falls into this category as well.
~ Sending in your entire manuscript with your query, either via snail mail or as an attachment to your e-mail query, will NOT get the agent to read your novel, even if it is the next Harry Potter - I don't even have to read their guidelines to know this breaks them all to heck. No agent wants to see the entire manuscript without asking for it, and none of them like attachments without asking - seriously, we live in the computer age. Unknown attachment = virus, people.
~ DO NOT under any circumstances, query an unfinished novel, especially if you're going to lie and say it's finished. Why? Because if they DO ask to see it, this could be a turnaround time of days, maybe less, and you aren't going to have anything to send them for, what? Weeks, months, possibly years. By then, the agent has forgotten all about your manuscript, and even if they haven't, the publishing world is an ever-changing beast. What an agent is looking for this week is not what they're looking for next month, or next year. And none of that even addresses the complete lack of professionalism in querying something before you have it finished. To be perfectly, brutally honest, a huge percentage of writers never even finish the WIP they've started. Querying something you never finish isn't a good career move.
~ So, once you've sent your query and received the politely worded rejection, even if it seems unnecessarily harsh or totally impolite, do not, ever, ever, EVER write back and tell the agent what a huge mistake they've made passing on your special and unique snowflake of a manuscript, that is destined to be a million dollar bestseller. Especially do not do this, and include an angry rant about how they clearly do not understand your genius, and you find them rude and a whole bunch of other uncomplimentary things. First, this is so unprofessional, you might as well be back in grade school, throwing a temper tantrum on the playground. Second, they will definitely remember you, and not in a good way. And they will tell ALL of their agent friends about you. You do not want this. Publishing is a much smaller world than you think. And third, wow, this is the sort of thing that makes agents want to stop taking unsolicited queries. This is the sort of thing that shuts doors for the rest of us, who do try to conduct ourselves in a polite, professional manner. Thanks a lot!
~ However strong the urge to do so is, do not include 'presents' in your query. This says "psycho stalker" much more than it does "professional writer". Someday, when you have an agent, you may bake her cookies or send her chocolates. Or him. Whatever. You get the idea - when you are no longer a stranger, this sort of thing becomes acceptable. Common sense, people, common sense.
There are, you know, lots more. But these are some of the main ones I've seen listed time and time again on multiple agent blogs. And it always baffles me that people out there actually do these things. Repeatedly. Kind of like listening to my husband talk about teaching high school, and thinking "Wow, okay. So that's a job I could never do." Agenting is becoming another one of those. Because really? There's a reason I don't work customer service anymore. I have no patience at all for stupid/rude/entitled people.
** As![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kistha pointed out to me just days ago, this is actually not true. I am published, just not in novel length. I have a short story that was published a few years back. But mentally, I'm so in this realm of novels and novel publication now, honestly, half the time I forget about that. Which is strange, because at the time that short story publication was the bestest thing to ever happen. Ever. Seriously.
But I also read a LOT of agent blogs, and let me tell you, I don't think I'd want to be on the other side of the desk. It's embarrassing, sometimes, the stuff that people will send in as a query. You know, I love writing. I love it like a lot of people aren't lucky enough to love their jobs - Lord knows, I don't love my day job. But I also try to treat it like a job. I'm not published**, but I try to write as if I have deadlines I have to meet - meaning I self impose deadlines, like the current one to finish this WIP by the end of May. I try to have the discipline to write via a schedule, because that's the only way to meet deadlines. And lo, doing this actually gets books finished! (But wait, that's a whole different discussion.)
Beyond the actual writing of things, before I ever sent a query letter, I researched how to do it right. Sure, my first ever submission to a publisher was years ago, when what I was writing really wasn't ready, but hey, I was young, I was excited, I wanted very badly to be published, and even with all of that, I researched exactly how to submit before I sent anything off. I followed submission guidelines, I agonized over where to position the page number on the page, how to mail the manuscript, etc, etc. Since then, I've attended many a conference panel on querying and writing effective queries, et al, and like I said, I read a LOT of agent blogs. And those agents inevitably talk about queries, and what's right to do, and what irks them that people do.
Which leads me to the whole point of this post - I know that a lot of you following my journey here may not read industry blogs with the same devotion that I do. You may not have ever heard stories from the other side of the desk. So here is a little perspective on that, from the point of view of a baffled writer who can't believe what some people will do, via various True Stories that cross an agent's desk.
Seriously, if you're going to write with the goal of professional publication, why in the heck would you not research how to properly write and submit a query? Why would you not, at the very least, read an agent's submission guidelines before sending it off? Because if you did, you would know that:
ETA: Caveat: these apply specifically to previously unpublished, unrepresented writers. The rules for published/already represented authors are somewhat different.
~ a 200,000 to 400,000 word first novel is NOT going to impress - 100K is the going size of a mass market paperback these days, with wiggle room either way by only about 30,000 words at the most. For adult, mass market paperbacks, that is.
~ Addressing an agent as "Dear Sir or Madam" does not impress them with the professionalism of your query. Instead, it tells them you didn't bother to even learn their name, much less what they represent, or enjoy reading. Misspelling their name, or addressing them by the wrong gender falls into this category as well.
~ Sending in your entire manuscript with your query, either via snail mail or as an attachment to your e-mail query, will NOT get the agent to read your novel, even if it is the next Harry Potter - I don't even have to read their guidelines to know this breaks them all to heck. No agent wants to see the entire manuscript without asking for it, and none of them like attachments without asking - seriously, we live in the computer age. Unknown attachment = virus, people.
~ DO NOT under any circumstances, query an unfinished novel, especially if you're going to lie and say it's finished. Why? Because if they DO ask to see it, this could be a turnaround time of days, maybe less, and you aren't going to have anything to send them for, what? Weeks, months, possibly years. By then, the agent has forgotten all about your manuscript, and even if they haven't, the publishing world is an ever-changing beast. What an agent is looking for this week is not what they're looking for next month, or next year. And none of that even addresses the complete lack of professionalism in querying something before you have it finished. To be perfectly, brutally honest, a huge percentage of writers never even finish the WIP they've started. Querying something you never finish isn't a good career move.
~ So, once you've sent your query and received the politely worded rejection, even if it seems unnecessarily harsh or totally impolite, do not, ever, ever, EVER write back and tell the agent what a huge mistake they've made passing on your special and unique snowflake of a manuscript, that is destined to be a million dollar bestseller. Especially do not do this, and include an angry rant about how they clearly do not understand your genius, and you find them rude and a whole bunch of other uncomplimentary things. First, this is so unprofessional, you might as well be back in grade school, throwing a temper tantrum on the playground. Second, they will definitely remember you, and not in a good way. And they will tell ALL of their agent friends about you. You do not want this. Publishing is a much smaller world than you think. And third, wow, this is the sort of thing that makes agents want to stop taking unsolicited queries. This is the sort of thing that shuts doors for the rest of us, who do try to conduct ourselves in a polite, professional manner. Thanks a lot!
~ However strong the urge to do so is, do not include 'presents' in your query. This says "psycho stalker" much more than it does "professional writer". Someday, when you have an agent, you may bake her cookies or send her chocolates. Or him. Whatever. You get the idea - when you are no longer a stranger, this sort of thing becomes acceptable. Common sense, people, common sense.
There are, you know, lots more. But these are some of the main ones I've seen listed time and time again on multiple agent blogs. And it always baffles me that people out there actually do these things. Repeatedly. Kind of like listening to my husband talk about teaching high school, and thinking "Wow, okay. So that's a job I could never do." Agenting is becoming another one of those. Because really? There's a reason I don't work customer service anymore. I have no patience at all for stupid/rude/entitled people.
** As
kistha pointed out to me just days ago, this is actually not true. I am published, just not in novel length. I have a short story that was published a few years back. But mentally, I'm so in this realm of novels and novel publication now, honestly, half the time I forget about that. Which is strange, because at the time that short story publication was the bestest thing to ever happen. Ever. Seriously.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-05-16 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-16 11:56 pm (UTC)But, er, yes, the day job was a completely unrelated but frustrating experience today.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 11:47 am (UTC)Agents who blog are a godsend to those of us trying to gain representation. It amazes me that so many writers don't reach out for that gift (by reading those blogs) with both hands...
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:25 pm (UTC)It's pretty simple to Google and if you're not e-savvy enough to google a quick trip to the bookstore or a free trip to the library for a "how-to" book on submissions.
I can't really hold other people to my standards though... I'm not normal.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:31 pm (UTC)And I don't know that any of us are normal, exactly. Um, did you know I work for the government? DOE, specifically, and they are so far from the military, it's freaking amazing.
Or maybe not so far, I don't know.
The philosophy where I work seems to be "as long as it looks good on paper...as much paper as humanly possible...we don't care about practical application."
I work in the safety office. There is much headdesking.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:34 pm (UTC)I suppose I should be glad, right? All those bad queries make ours look even better.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:37 pm (UTC)How often is the word promulgate used in your paperwork?
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:44 pm (UTC)I sent three back East for approval yesterday, all of them over 800 pages apiece. When the safety guys think you're requirements are over the top and mind boggling, maybe it's time to rethink the requirements. But no, that makes too much sense...plus, the safety guys are just contractors. Why the hell would the gov't listen to them?
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:49 pm (UTC)Admiral Hymen G. Rickover, the father of the nuclear Navy was very closely involved with the DOE in pushing the nuclear agenda. I don't doubt that many rules, procedures and practices bled over from both sides.
I do not envy you. I was in charge of publications for the boat at one point and did quite a bit of technical editing (even managed to get some procedures changed fleet-wide!). On my side it required reading EVERY technical manual (and there were several for one piece of equipment or system...and then there were technical bulletins, and safety bulletins and blah blah blah) and "promulgating" a local instruction that encompassed ALL of those governing documents...*exhausted*
Okay. It's not yet 10 a.m. and I need a beer now... :P
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:56 pm (UTC)