Query Writing

So, I dusted off the query for Shuv'hani (working title) last night, the one someone *cough - not sure if I should name you?* brainstormed w/me and then wrote in an act of great generosity a couple of months back.  I sat down with the intent to fiddle with it, re-word here and there, etc, and ended up writing something new from scratch, because it just sort of (FINALLY) suddenly clicked and flowed for me.

Though I don't think it would have without that original query -- again, huge thanks to that person!

And then, because I want it as perfect and polished as possible before sending it out, I asked about someone giving it a read through for me at one of my fav writerly hang outs, the newsgroup of a particualr SF author, which happens to have a bunch of pro authors/editors and struggling writers like myself who hang out at it. The SF author kindly said I could post it, so anyone who wanted to offer advice could.

This resulted in some invaluable advice, which I'm going to re-post here behind several cuts for anyone who may be interested. I know there are several writers on my f-list who have, are, or will again need to be writing queries and synopsis.

(Also, it is a thrill to have someone like Elizabeth Moon commenting sympathetically that she, too, struggles with writing queries. !!)

So, without further ado ( My original query )

Okay. And here is what editor/writer Russell Davis had to say about queries in general, and then how he broke down my query in particular: ( Russell's comments )

Pretty informative, from the editorial side. And also makes me cringe at the idea that an agent or editor might decide my work is cliched before ever even reading it. I had to remind myself after reading this that so far, none of my betas have said "oh, sorry Rhien, but this is boring and cliched". Then i took a few deep breaths and prepared to revise. BUT before I could, another writer came forward and revised it for me, and Russell then responded to THAT by saying "John's is much better than mine", so this is what John did with my query, which pretty much blew me away:( John's comments/revision )

Except then Russell came back with a comment I'd made about Parr, and the fact that I have two POV characters. ( Russell's further comments )

Which, yikes! I have no idea how to go about that. So far, that's the extent of the conversation. As more is said/commented, I'll post. And as I refine the query, I'll post. Hope some of what these folks had to say helps someone else out there.

( More comments on query writing from John )